There they go again: A-Rod and Lance, two of the dopiest athletes on the planet. Lying. Changing their stories. Lying some more. Changing the “facts” (and I use the term “facts” loosely). Lance having to pay up for his perjury. And A-Rod writing his handwritten note of apology. (Another joke. If that is his actual handwriting, he may have a career in calligraphy in the offing if all else fails). Fifty shades of lying.

I could barely make it through Fifty Shades of Grey, the first book,let alone the second or third. Unless someone strong arms me (you’ll excuse the pun) I probably won’t see the movie. Point is, Christian Grey can have his fifty shades of whatever. As a former boss of mine once said when I told I him I loved cold calling (and everyone else hated it): “one man’s (or woman’s) pleasure is another man’s (or woman’s pain). And therein lies the truth.

Christian Grey is a fictional character, but Lance and A-Rod, once real life icons, not so much.

In his latest lie, Lance Armstrong has pleaded guilty to careless driving for hitting two parked cars with his SUV in Aspen. His girlfriend, also a liar, said she was driving when she was not, in order to take the fall for him. This fact courtesy of a St. Regis hotel doorman who saw him driving the car. Liar, liar, pants on fire. And your nose is looking a little longer too.

A-Rod’s and Lance’s actions and words were nothing more than was straight up lies. In the end, there is no such thing as fifty shades of truth. You see, when it comes to telling the truth, there are no shades of gray. You either doped or you didn’t. If you did, tell the truth. If you didn’t, tell the truth. Either you were behind the wheel, or your dopey girlfriend Anna Hansen was. Tell the truth.

The truth may hurt,(okay, allow me just one more pun) but it’s still the truth. And honesty, as the saying goes, is still the best policy.

Christian may be able to live in world of fifty shades of gray, but for the rest of us, A-Rod and Lance included, life is just a little more black and white, especially when it comes to telling the truth.